Sappy Mommy Moment

I am not too much a of a singer. Actually, let me take that back. I love to sing. Really loud. Especially to country music. But I only do it when I'm in the car. I like to rap too and I think I'm pretty good at it. I have no fear of spitting some flow for Deuce. He smiles and laughs. But don't get too excited. I only sing in the car remember? I sang in the church choir growing up but I was never a powerful singer. I did sing a solo at the Christmas service one time in front of about 700 people but that was when I was in the 5th grade and everyone thinks you're cute, even if you suck.

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Anyway, I've never really sang to Deuce. I always hear people who say, "Oh, my mom used to sing that to me" or "That was my favorite song my mom sang when I was little." But I just don't feel comfortable singing, especially acapella. Even if it was for a screaming baby I was trying to calm. I did hum to him some when he was really little and sort of colicky but I haven't done that in quite awhile. We went to the Family Christian Store on Friday so I could pick up a few new books and I got Deuce a few books about Easter and Jesus and God while we were there. I picked this one up too.

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That night, I started to read it to him and it just sounded funny. I was reading the words to Jesus Loves Me. I don't think I've ever stated those lyrics without actually singing them. After a few pages I was just uncomfortable. So I stopped, closed the book and then started again. And this time I sang it to him. As soon as I started my voice was a little shaky but he turned his head around, looked me straight in the eye and smiled the best smile ever. Amazing how much confidence a 1 year old can give your mommy skills. The book includes 3 verses to the song but after the first verse I glanced down at Deuce and he was asleep in my arms. It was such a defining moment for me as a mom. Why? I'm not sure because it's not the first time he's fallen asleep in my arms. It's not the first time he slept in his new big boy bed.

Maybe it's because I've subconsciously been seeking some sort of affirmation that I am doing a good job as we enter these terrible two's {and boy are they here}. Maybe it was a higher power giving me a sign. Who knows. But I want to sing to him more. I want to be the best mom I can and I want to raise my son to be a big, strong, self sufficient man with a respectful, soft, nurturing personality. Ed uses the term "Gentle Giant" when he refers to our nephew Jalen and I think Deuce may be the same way. At least I hope so.

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